[brian wakes up naked next to judith, he gets up, walks to the window, and opens the shutter, exposing himself to all]
FOLLOWERS
Look! There he is! The Chosen One has woken!
[slams shutter closed] Brian sees crowd
[bam bam bam bam]
MANDY
Brian!
[bam bam bam bam bam]
BRIAN
Huuh. Hooh. Ooh! Mother. Ooh. Ha--
MANDY
Brian!
BRIAN
Hang on, mother! Shhh.
[clllunk]
Hello, mother.
MANDY
Don't you 'hello mother' me. What are all those people doing out there?!
BRIAN
Oh. Well-- well, I, uh--
MANDY
Come on! What have you been up to, my lad?!
BRIAN
Well, uh, I think they must have popped by for something.
MANDY
'Popped by'?! 'Swarmed by', more like! There's a multitude out there!
BRIAN
Mm, they-- they started following me yesterday.
MANDY
Well, they can stop following you right now.
[opens shutter and addresses followers]
Now, stop following my son! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
FOLLOWERS
The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!
MANDY
The who?
FOLLOWERS
The Messiah! Crowd
MANDY
Huh, there's no Messiah in here. There's a mess, all right, but no Messiah. Now, go away!
FOLLOWERS
Brian! Brian!
MANDY
Right, my lad. What have you been up to?
BRIAN
Nothing, Mum. Um--
MANDY
Come on. Out with it.
BRIAN
Well, they think I'm the Messiah, Mum.
[smack]
MANDY
Now, what have you been telling them?
BRIAN
Nothing! I only--
MANDY
You're only making it worse for yourself.
BRIAN
Look! I can explain! I--
[smack]
JUDITH
[entering naked] No! Let me explain, Mrs. Cohen!
MANDY
Who-- Judith
JUDITH
Your son is a born leader. Those people out there are following him because they believe in him, Mrs. Cohen. They believe he can give them hope-- hope of a new life, a new world, a better future!
MANDY
Who's that?!
BRIAN
Oh! That's... Judith, Mum. Judith. Mother. Hmm.
[smack]
Aaaah!
FOLLOWERS
The Messiah! The Messiah!
MANDY
Ooooh.
FOLLOWERS
Show us the Messiah! The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!
MANDY
Now, you listen here! He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! Now, go away!
FOLLOWERS
Who are you?!
MANDY
I'm his mother. That's who.
FOLLOWERS
Behold His mother! Behold His mother! Hail to thee, mother of Brian! Blessed art thou, Hosanna! All praise to thee, now and always!
MANDY
Ohhh, now, don't think you can get around me like that. He's not coming out, and that's my final word. Now, shove off!
FOLLOWERS
No!
MANDY
Did you hear what I said?
FOLLOWERS
Yes!
MANDY
Oh, I see. It-- it's like that, is it?
FOLLOWERS
Yes!
MANDY
Ohh. Oh, all right, then. You can see him for one minute, but not one second more. Do you understand?
FOLLOWERS
Yes.
MANDY
Promise?
FOLLOWERS
Well, all right.
MANDY
All right. Here he is, then. Come on, Brian. Come and talk to them.
BRIAN
But, Mum. Judith.
MANDY
Now, leave that Welsh tart alone.
BRIAN
But I don't really want to, Mum.
FOLLOWERS
Brian! Brian! Brian!...
BRIAN
Good morning.
FOLLOWERS
A blessing! A blessing! A blessing!...
BRIAN
No. No, please! Please! Please listen. I've got one or two things to say.
FOLLOWERS
Tell us. Tell us both of them.
BRIAN
Look. You've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals!
FOLLOWERS
Yes, we're all individuals!
BRIAN
You're all different! Brian addresses the Crowd
FOLLOWERS
Yes, we are all different!
DENNIS
I'm not.
ARTHUR
Shhhh.
FOLLOWERS
Shh. Shhhh. Shhh.
BRIAN
You've all got to work it out for yourselves!
FOLLOWERS
Yes! We've got to work it out for ourselves!
BRIAN
Exactly!
FOLLOWERS
Tell us more!
BRIAN
No! That's the point! Don't let anyone tell you what to do! Otherwise-- Ow! No!
MANDY
Come on, Brian. That's enough. That's enough.
FOLLOWERS
Oooooh. That wasn't a minute!
MANDY
Oh, yes, it was.
FOLLOWERS
Oh, no, it wasn't!
MANDY
Now, stop that, and go away!
YOUTH
Excuse me. Mandy Addresses the Crowd
MANDY
Yes?
YOUTH
Are you a virgin?
MANDY
I beg your pardon!
YOUTH
Well, if it's not a personal question, are you a virgin?
MANDY
'If it's not a personal question'? How much more personal can you get? Now, piss off!
[slams shutter]
YOUTH
She is.
FOLLOWERS
Yeah. Must be. She is. Definitely...
[a few minutes later brian leaves through the front door]
CROWD
Ooh. Oh! Oooh...
REG
'Morning, Saviour.
CROWD
[yelling]
WOMAN
Lay Your hands on me. Quick!
FRANCIS
Now, don't jostle the Chosen One, please.
BABY
[crying]
REG
Don't push that baby in the Saviour's face. You've got till later.
GREGORY
I say. I say, could He just see my wife? She has a headache.
REG
She'll have to wait, I'm afraid.
GREGORY
It's very bad, and we've got a luncheon appointment.
REG
Look, the lepers are queuing.
REGORY
Her brother-in-law is the ex-mayor of Gath, you know.
REG
Uh, Brian, can I introduce the gentleman who's letting us have the Mounts on Sunday?
MR. PAPADOPOULOS
Hello.
FRANCIS
Don't push!
REG
And keep the noise down, please! Those possessed by devils, try and keep them under control a bit, can't you? Incurables, you'll just have to wait for a few minutes. Um, women taken in sin, line up against that wall, will you?
JUDITH
Brian? Brian, you were fantastic!
BRIAN
You weren't so bad yourself.
JUDITH
No, what you said just now-- it was quite extraordinary.
BRIAN
What? Oh, that. Was it?
JUDITH
We don't need any leaders. You're so right. Reg has been dominating us for too long.
BRIAN
Well, yes. Judith and Brian
JUDITH
It needed saying, and you said it, Brian.
BRIAN
You're... very attractive.
JUDITH
It's our revolution! We can all do it together!
BRIAN
I think-- I think--
JUDITH
We're all behind you, Brian. The revolution is in your hands!
BRIAN
What? No! That's not what I meant at all!
CENTURION
You're fuckin' nicked, me old beauty. Right.
[whap whap whap whap whap]
[smack]
Stop it.
in Life of Brian, Monty Python
